laughing because i just went through the tags on that sam list and i have seriously wounded you guys.

i apologize.


Your blog makes me unbelievable happy. You don't have idea how much I love your writing, you are amazing. Your ''Sam List'' made me cry rivers and all I want is to show it to everybody who hates on my sunshine Sammy, because what you wrote is -in my mind- exactly how he feels, and that says a lot of his heart. Thank you for that! You are amazing<3 have the nicest of the days!!!! (and sorry if the english is crappy, it isn't my first language)

Awwww thank you so much! Ugh, that list gave me a lot of feelings too. It’s terrible!!!!!!

I hope you have a wonderful day too bb! Thank you for your sweet message! 




Sam Winchester Graphic Challenge | archangeldeanhexcastiel
↪ Prompt: "A Merge, a Vessel, a Harbor" by Great Lake Swimmers


Destroyed not complete, a perfect cocophony.


↳ Prompt: Merge, A Vessel, A Harbour by Great Lake Swimmers

hexcastiel vs. archangeldean


Sam Winchester Graphic Challenge
Stripperlecki vs. Wordsinhaled
prompt:"Moving Pictures Silent Films" by Great Lake Swimmers


Sam Winchester Graphic Challenge
Stripperlecki vs. Wordsinhaled
prompt:"Moving Pictures Silent Films" by Great Lake Swimmers



Sam remembered when it happened for the first time. Dean had woken up with his boxers tented up, a small patch of dampness soaking the faded fabric where the tip of his penis was pressed against the seam.

“Why is it doing that?” Sam had asked, curiosity rising in his chest along with Dean’s eyebrows.

“Doing what?”

Giggling, Sam had leaned in, reaching out to poke the hard flesh beneath his brother’s boxers with his small fingers just to have Dean catch them up in his palm. “Why is it being… hard and big like that?”

There had been a dark pink flush creeping up the older boy’s neck as he tried to come up with a proper reply, his fingers squeezing Sam’s hand carefully. “It’s because I’m a big boy and… sometimes it happens.”


Dean had shrugged. “Now and then. Usually when I’m asleep or… when I wake up, I guess. Look, I don’t know, it’s… a big boy thing.”

Beaming, Sam had tried to wiggle his fingers out of his brother’s grip, pink tongue poking out to nervously wet his lips. “Can I touch it?”

“What? No.” Dean’s voice had sounded a little bit high-pitched by then, his clammy palm tightening around Sam’s twitching hand. “Of course not. It’s not a frigging toy.”


“We’re not gonna argue about this, Sammy. I won’t let you touch it. It’s… something private and you’re… Just wait until you get old enough to have your own boner. And until then keep your eyes and fingers to yourself, would ya?”

Dean had hated to see his little brother’s face fall, but the whole conversation tasted wrongwrongwrong on his tongue and so he’d let go of Sam before hurriedly shimmying into his jeans.

“When will I be old enough, De?”

Eyes rolling, Dean had exhaled sharply. “Soon enough. Now go get your clothes and I’ll see if I can find you some Lucky Charms, you little brat.”

And that had been the end of their conversation for the time being.

Read More



It’s been a while now, and perhaps it’s too late but I need to do this Sam, so please, bear with me.

I tried to think past that admission letter. At first I couldn’t believe it. How could you do this to our family? To dad? How could you do this to me? What kind of a joke was that? And then, then I was angry. I was livid, I couldn’t see past the red veil that covered my eyes. Why couldn’t we be enough for you? Why did you need more? I was right there in front of you, my soul always reaching towards yours, I put my heart in your hands. I told you: “here, it’s yours”. And it wasn’t enough. I’ve been so mad, Sam, I think for a second I couldn’t hear your heartbeat in my chest anymore. How could you be so selfish?

But then it dawned on me, that terrifying possibility. Maybe it was my fault. What ifs drove me crazy. What if I hadn’t told you about the monsters? Could I have protected you more? Would you still be there? There were so many scenarios in my head, all different and all ending with you packing your bag and closing that door. I’ve been miserable. There was a hole in my chest, I heaved and coughed, but instead of bile, all I could taste in my mouth was ashes. Do you remember the day I broke my leg trying to climb that oak in Montana? I think I hadn’t cry this much since that day. How old were we?

But now, I understand. I watched you go and I went through all the phases. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression. I guess this letter is the final step. Acceptance. I kept waiting for an explanation, for excuses. I realize it now, you never had to apologize. Because I watched you climb in that bus and I grieved. I mourned. Like you were gone forever, like I could already see through your skin. Like you were dead. You were still breathing and I grieved. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I tried to always give you “more” when what you needed was “less”. I get it Sammy, I swear I do. I don’t need to let you go because you never left.

I grieved enough, don’t you think?

See you around, little brother.


Karri. 28. INFP. CALI.

SAM!GIRL extraordinaire & CODEPENDENT specialist.

90% SPN / 10% MULTI



before +'ing
check out

FYI & FAQ to better understand what you can expect here.


talk to me


my wall

working on

got a REQUEST?


writing a billion things
finishing none.
my loves
a+ blogs

check it out